Not really smiling…

It certainly didn’t feel like 12 degrees outside the water today. I was caught in quite a downpour, which meant damp clothes to change into. The prom was also deserted, with even the most hardy of dog walkers missing the rain. I was clearly not included in the memo as it had simply been cloudy before I headed down to the beach hut. So the rain caught me by surprise.

Getting ready I had my first experience of hesitation. I also had an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I reminded myself that this is a marathon and not a sprint and there is a very long way to go!

It’s one of the reasons I like cold water swimming. Once the temperature drops to single figures, I have found that this is when my resilience is tested. Often supportive comments by those passing by can mean a lot, but when there is no-one, literally no-one around, it helps me to dig deep and find whatever is needed just to do it.

It’s fascinating how my mental states can affect the visceral sensation of the water. Only 0.4 degrees colder than yesterday, same wind direction, but much lighter and yet it felt much colder! So only another 500m chalked up as I was ready to get out once the basic route was completed.

Reflecting later the whole experience made me think of my private ordination into the Triratna Buddhist Order. In our tradition we are ordained privately and then publicly. In the private ordination we go alone to the Ordination Kuti (traditionally a small room or in my case a wigwam style tent nestled in the mountains of southern Spain). The symbolism of this is that you vow that even if you’re the last person left who believes in the Buddhist path, you will continue, hence going alone.

I realised later that this was the memory that was being invoked for me.